In this article, I’ll outline the phenomenon of ‘cosmic wellness’ which is now visible across on- and offline spaces that promote health and well-being products and practices to women. Cosmic wellness is a broad constellation of media, discourse, imagery, materials and foods (including crystals, dust and herbs) produced primarily by white, wealthy women. On the one hand, cosmic wellness can be read as a digital food culture that offers healthy and potentially necessary responses to fiercely neoliberal modes of working and living. But conversely, it is framed as the newest example of narcissistic self-absorption and, more seriously, as unhealthy and dangerous. Cosmic wellness is founded on various beliefs, including the moral necessity of pursuing the optimisation of self and the power of markets to provide the ingredients, tools and practices to achieve it. It is connected to histories that chart the incorporation of New Age health and well-being practices into ‘mainstream’ forms of lifestyle production and consumption and the simultaneous derision of these practices, especially when used and promoted by women. But there is also something new about cosmic wellness, especially as it is visible online on platforms such as Instagram. In the article, I outline the key features of cosmic wellness and analyse its contemporary cultural purchase, using theories of digital food cultures, spiritual production and consumption, postfeminism and critical whiteness studies. The article then conducts empirical analysis of a series of Instagram posts from one prominent space in which cosmic wellness currently circulates: Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle and wellness business Goop.