The Future of Christian Marriage

The foundational vision of marriage as a load-bearing structure has receded, but the core and key expectations of marriage have not changed. As a result, marriage rates have declined. Fewer Christians will marry in the future, but given their elevated commitment to matrimony, they will comprise an increasing share of the world’s marriages over time. The recession in marriage highlights the collapse of familism and the rise of atomism. The data supports one particular theory about how religion influences marital behavior—the moral communities thesis, which concludes that Christian marriage is tightly linked to wider trends, suggesting marriage is a public matter. Religious efforts to “get the government out of the marriage business” are shortsighted. How central is marriage to Christian faith and practice? Very. Given its public nature, cohabitation threatens Christianity more than does premarital sex. The book concludes with five predictions for what to expect next.

Introduction

Marriage has receded dramatically in much of the West; given their historical and theological esteem for matrimony, are Christians faring any better? Not by much. Christian marriage, too, appears to be experiencing a recession. How do modern Christians around the world look for a mate within a religious faith that esteems marriage but a world that increasingly yawns at it? Some of the challenges facing them are mathematical—more women than men in congregations—while others are ideological, such as the penchant for keeping one’s options open. Economic and career expectations counsel delay. Do Christians wait on marriage? Not as long as the irreligious: being active in church predicts marrying earlier in most countries. Over time, this gap in marriage between the more religious and the less religious adds up. The future of marriage is becoming more religious, not less.

Sex

While sex and marriage are still connected in the minds of most Christians, the link is weakening. Cheap sex has become normative, a process boosted by the separation of sex from fertility by wide use of effective birth control. Sex was described as easy by most Christians, including those living in more traditional locations. The “reverence due to a woman” noted in Humanae Vitae is diminishing, as predicted. Clergy and religious leaders struggle to motivate chaste behavior on the part of their young adults, a task made more difficult by the power that flows toward young men when they are outnumbered by marriage-minded women. Meanwhile, matrimony is getting more expensive. Christians are more willing than non-Christians to pursue marriage, but social expectations of a big wedding are a drain on their pocketbook. Marriage waits, as many Christians save up money for a ceremony that need not be so expensive.

Revitalizing Christian Marriage

There are practical ways Christians can stimulate marriage. First, there are beautiful stories about marriage out there; tell them. Second, cultivate marriage-friendly subcultures; participation in vibrant Christian organizations can resist the emergent global “monoculture” that undermines marriage. Third, construct the home as a haven from market mentalities. Fourth, seek improvement in premarital preparation; new marriages need mentors to help them understand what to expect. Fifth, aid and support suffering marriages in your midst; there is such a thing as the “good enough” marriage. Sixth, parents need to be thoughtful about the relationship advice they give (or fail to offer) their children. Seventh, young adults should weigh the costs and benefits of living at home until they are married. Eighth, governments should consider creative ways to support marriage. They can be expensive, but it is riskier to ignore the decline of marriage than to explore new ways to revitalize it.

Uncertainty

Uncertainty characterizes the marriage market today, fostered by job insecurities that have accompanied global free-market economic expansion and the surge in options it produced. The new chronic uncertainty has slowed marriage, even though the opposite scenario could have occurred. It happened this way because uncertainty is, in part, a conviction that you don’t yet have what it takes to merit getting married—a reflection of the capstone mentality. Parental divorce adds to uncertainty, fostering anxiety among young adults that they, too, may not have what it takes to stay together. Emerging technologies—social-media and online dating—boost options and unwittingly diminish relationship confidence. As a result of heightened uncertainty, some Christians are choosing to cohabit. But they are not seeking to rewrite the rules about Christian marriage. Living together before marriage, however, almost always contributes to a diminished life of faith, even if only temporarily.

From Foundation to Capstone

Marriage has come a long way since biblical times. Across much of the Christian world, women are no longer thought of as property, and practices like polygamy or arranged unions are widely rejected. There remain plenty of conflicting opinions about marriage, however, as the Reformation pushed marriage away from the authority of the Church and toward the state. Still today, Christians wrestle over how marriage can be both civil and religious. Despite this quandary, Christians around the world tend to hold perspectives on marriage that have much in common. But what has changed, almost without notice, is the vision for an ideal marital timetable. Marriage, even in the minds of most Christians, has become less about a foundation to build upon and more of a capstone that marks a successful young adult life. What it certainly means, however, is that fewer people—Christians included—will ever marry at all.

Men and Women

Men’s earnings have become less important as a predictor of marriage rates in a world where women are thriving educationally and economically. Standards have risen. There are wide and high expectations for material well-being in marriage. Christians respond to these trends by exhibiting sex role flexibility in marriage—and often dual incomes—but they are not gender revolutionaries about marriage. Their behavior reveals no interest in overhauling longstanding sex role expectations. At its core, marriage is a relationship of interdependence. Insofar as spouses become functionally similar, marriage becomes less necessary and should become less popular—as is occurring today. Marriage rates are shrinking because of increasing disinterest in what marriage actually is. Marriage will never disappear, however, and its four key expectations—fidelity, totality, permanence, and children—are not social constructions. Public relations campaigns can win ballot initiatives and judges can alter marriage laws, but they cannot ignite new interest in marriage.